Self-esteem is the assessment a person makes of themselves, their abilities, qualities, and defects. Good self-esteem is essential for the personal and emotional development of our children, as it allows them to feel secure in themselves, accept themselves as they are, and face life’s challenges with confidence.
Children acquire the notion of themselves, their qualities, and characteristics through a reflective process whose result is self-knowledge and self-esteem. Let’s consider that self-knowledge is the basis of self-esteem. The process is composed of
- self-perception
- self-observation
- autobiographical memory
- self-esteem
- self-acceptance
We are not born with the concept of what self-esteem is, but we form it from a very early age, when we begin to form a concept of how the people around us (parents, teachers, classmates, friends…) see us and the experiences we acquire. There are two fundamental aspects that influence the formation of self-esteem, which are the self-knowledge we have of ourselves and the expectations or how we would like and desire to be.
Self-esteem has three components: cognitive, affective, and behavioral. Among the aspects that are relevant depending on self-esteem are how it conditions learning, whether or not it facilitates overcoming personal problems and obstacles, supports creativity, determines the degree of autonomy, and enables healthy social relationships.
Good self-esteem is the basis and foundation for adequate tolerance to frustration, probable empathy, the capacity for assertive communication, as well as the ability to overcome adversity and be resilient.
However, not all children have good self-esteem. In fact, according to a study carried out by the Crecer Jugando Foundation, 20% of Spanish children between 6 and 12 years old have self-esteem problems. This proportion is similar to that of most developed countries.
What are the main self-esteem problems in minors?
Self-esteem problems can manifest in different ways, but the most common are:
Low self-esteem: children with low self-esteem feel insecure about themselves, believe they are not capable of doing anything well, and constantly compare themselves to others.
Excessive self-esteem: children with high self-esteem believe they are superior to others, think they are always right, and are very critical of others.
Unstable self-esteem: children and adolescents with unstable self-esteem have a changing assessment of themselves, which depends on the circumstances or the opinion of others.
What symptoms should we pay attention to?
Parents, mothers, and family members should pay attention to the following symptoms to identify possible self-esteem problems:
Avoidance of activities or situations: children with self-esteem problems may avoid participating in activities or situations that cause them anxiety or fear, for example, speaking in public, taking an exam, or participating in a game.
Negative behaviors: they may have negative behaviors, such as aggressiveness, rebelliousness, or depression.
Learning problems: Minors with self-esteem problems may have learning problems, as they do not feel capable of learning or achieving their goals.
Social relationship problems: They may have social relationship problems, as they do not feel secure in themselves and are afraid of being rejected.
How can we help children with self-esteem problems?
- Offer support and understanding: minors with self-esteem problems need to feel supported and understood by their parents. It is important that we listen to them carefully, offer them words of encouragement, and help them develop their skills and abilities.
- Avoid comparisons: comparisons with other children can make children with self-esteem problems feel worse. It is important that we avoid comparing our children with other children and focus on their own strengths and achievements.
- Teach them to be positive: children and adolescents with self-esteem problems need to learn to be positive. We must teach them to focus on their achievements, accept their defects, and learn from their mistakes.
There are different resources that can help families help their children with self-esteem problems. Some of these resources are:
Books and articles: there are many books and articles that offer advice to help manage self-esteem problems.
Workshops and courses: there are workshops and courses that are aimed at parents of minors with self-esteem problems.
Psychological therapy: can be an effective help to help children who have self-esteem problems.
It is important that parents are attentive to the possible signs of self-esteem problems in their children and that they seek support when necessary. We invite you to listen to our Doctor of Psychology, Nuria Ros, on La Tarde con Marina to expand on these guidelines and recommendations. At Dide.org we are experts in detecting educational, emotional, and behavioral potential and difficulties early in order to intervene. You can access the diagnostic tool at this link.
